Different Shades of Purple

Today is November 17.  It is one of the coldest days in my area of Canada so far and the snow began to fall lightly this morning.

In I went to work, armed with some purple icing covered cupcakes and all decked out in my favourite purple sweater.  In came my colleagues.  Hiding under their winter coats, which have recently been pulled out of the darkness of their closets, were different shades of purple.

We had colours of plum and eggplant, magenta purpley-pink, mauve and even some Barney The Purple Dinosaur purple...and some pink, because that's close to purple, right?? :)

By 9:00 there were several of my colleagues, also my friends, proud to wear purple to support the First World Prematurity Awareness Day.


By about 9:01, there we all were hovering around the kitchen table chowing down on purple coloured cupcakes with baby blue and pink diaper pins adorning them.

By 11:00 as many of my co-worker buddies were rounded up as possible--hard to do when we are scattered throughout the building and doing various things during our busy days--and we posed for a pic.

Through the tough times my family, friends and co-workers stood by me.  My new co-workers who arrived on scene after I made my quick exit from my work duties when my twins arrived 13 weeks early, have come to know my story and support me equally.  It is amazing to have such a support network and I can't say thank you enough.

These are people who went on the rollercoaster with me while my kids were in the NICUs.  My husband and I were sitting in the front seat of the rollercoaster, while my family, friends and colleagues may have been toward the back of the rollercoaster and perhaps not feeling the same impact of the ride, but they were right there for the entire ride with me. Laughing, crying, screaming, praying, hugging and supporting me and my husband until the rollercoaster ride came to a halt.

Then we jumped off that rollercoaster and got right onto a new ride, taking us in the direction of home, which still has many ups and downs, bumps and jolts, but it is where we want to be and it couldn't be more exhilerating!

Not a day goes by that I don't feel thankful for the wonderful work of the neonatologists, the nurses and NICU staff that got us through that ride safe and sound. 

We, as preemie parents, also have to thank organizations like the Linden Fund, here in Ontario, Canada, and the wonderful March of Dimes, that have gone to great lengths to get funding, supports and assistance for premature children and their families.  This can be one of the toughest times a family can face and these types of organizations found all across the world make the "ride" feel a little saner.

Thank you for recognizing and raising prematurity awareness today and every day!

We Survived Our First Family Vacay!

As a family of 3, it was nothing to pack up a few things and take off in our car or crossover.  As a family of 5, it takes days of prep work, list writing, losing lists, re-writing lists, shopping for mega boxes of diapers, baby food, formula, packing enough baby bottles, clothing for 5 and on and on!  We drive a Grand Caravan, much to my chagrin (bye-bye crossover), and it was packed to the max.  We even had to buy 2 roof rack travel bags, which were also stuffed. 

We took a long awaited and much needed family getaway up "North" in our province of Ontario.  Sitting on a beach or on the dock was something we longed for and my husband and I realized the last time we actually took more than a week to ourselves was our own honeymoon 4 years ago! How sad is that??  In these 4 years, we've spent so much time in hospitals, at home or in doctor's offices and specialist's offices, that time has been one big blur and vacationless.

I drove the 500+ kilometres there and back.  The whole way I was worried about losing one of the roof top bags, but things were strapped down very well!  Aside from that worry, my only other worry was how our 3 kids were going to cope with over 5 hours of driving.  We learned that our 3 boys have no problem with long drives, no motion sickness and they were so calm and patient.  Our oldest son, the only one that talks as of yet, finally asked "Are we there yet," when we were about 1 hour away from our serene destination.  That, I think, is amazing!

We filled our drives with some "I Spy," looking around for moving or still objects along the highways.  I had bought our oldest son some of those colourless markers, which only make colour on special paper.  Who ever came up with this idea was a GENIUS.  I didn't have to worry about ink leaking all over our son's carseat or the van's upholstery when he dropped a marker or two, which he was bound to do...and did.  Colouring entertained him a bit.  For the most part, however, he was interested in what we were passing by as we drove, what the name of the highway or road was that we were on, he talked about things he saw and was an awesome kid the whole way.

The back area of the van was packed with as much stuff as possible, while keeping it as safe as possible.  The stow and go carseats in the back of the van are a Godsend (most people that know me will be shocked to hear me praising this vehicle)!  If we didn't have that extra space to pack, we would have had to have a trailer attached to our beast of a van.  Our oldest son thought it was hilarious when he was in the back row looking at all the "stuff" surrounding him. 

We were able to take our twins to the beach for the first time, which was so wonderful.  At 15 months, the twins have just finally figured out how to sit without support, so they'd sit there for hours sometimes, watching what was happening in the water or on the beach, and flirting with all the ladies that walked up to them and started cooing at them.  They had their fair share of sand splattered in their faces by an over-excited older brother.  One of the twins did a face plant into the shallow water he was sitting in and that was the end of that!  Other than that, our vacay went off without a hitch.

The babies sleep amazingly well anywhere we go and they did the same on this vacation.  Even without the comforts of their own cribs and darkened bedroom, they were able to adapt to the playpens we asked them to sleep in and the not so dark bedroom that was theirs for a week.

Our oldest son got to have his first boat ride and became a fisherman.  3 generations of fishermen enjoyed many hours on the lake together.  This is the start of a wonderful, new family tradition.  Next year there will be two new little fishermen ready with their own fishing poles.

The World of Work vs. Daycare--Can't We Have Both?

My mother worked as a full time nurse while I was growing up.  She worked 12 hour, rotating shifts, while my father ran a successful photography business and was working, working, working.  My brother and I had the fortune of having a wonderful babysitter from the time I was 3 months old, when my mother returned to work.  This babysitter was a wonderful woman, with 5 daugthers of her own.  She had "been there, done that" with 5 of her own kids and was a great person to watch over us.

Our babysitter lived 1 block away from our elementary school and we could safely walk down the street, on our own, to her home.  I started walking to her home once I started Junior Kindergarten at the age of 4.  I wore a tag that said "Sitter's today," which was red and went on my coat or shirt.  I walked the one block (about 1 kilometre), met the crossing guard who knew to expect me, crossed the road and was at my babysitter's.

At this lady's home, we learned to swim in her pool, were coached figure skating by two of her daughters who were 10+ years older, taken on day trips now and then, were invited to family events, such as Christmas festivities.  We were treated like a big part of the family.

We stayed on with this babysitter for about 12 years, pretty much my entire childhood.  She was stability in our lives and someone we could always count on to be there for us and our parents.  We could be dropped off at ridiculous times like 6:30 AM and picked up sometimes after 8:00 PM, depending on which parent was where.  "Flexible" was this woman's middle name!

Why am I going on about my old babysitter you ask?  Well, because I have begun to realize that situations like this just don't seem to exist anymore.  I have been actively looking for suitable daycare for my three children when it comes time for me to return to work in a few more months.  I have been reaching out to anyone and everyone when it comes to finding daycare for my kids.  There are services and agencies out there, that I had never even heard of until I started asking a million questions, searching the internet late at night and so on. 

I love my job and miss my job.  We live in a country where we have been pushed and told to work hard for our dreams, build a career, get married if you want to, have a family if you want to and it will all come together.  Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.  I have often found all kinds of advice is thrown my way, but the "how to" or the help to get there is missing.  The words, "You'll figure it out," come to mind.

When we were kids, did our parents throw us on our first bike without training wheels and expect us to ride like the wind?  No, they slapped on some training wheels, had the first-aid kit ready and guided us along with instructions and pep talks.  We didn't just figure it out, we were taught and led by those who had done it before us.  I think the same should apply in all stages of life, including this one! :)

Then there are the people, who, when you ask for help, shoot you in the foot and dash your hopes.  In recent weeks I spoke to a child care advisor/social service worker, who basically said "good luck finding two infant spots at the same time in the same daycare."  Well thanks, that was helpful! That made me feel good.  Not only do I need to find two infant spots, but one pre-schooler spot.  Fun, fun!

Thank goodness I retain way too much information in the recesses of my brain.  I remembered hearing an old co-worker at a previous job say that her child had qualified for a subsidy for daycare.  This lightbulb went on and I started the research, because quite honestly I had never seen ads or flyers in the pediatrician's office or any other child-friendly place for such a thing,  nothing to alert the general public that this exists.  It seems to be another service that is available by the government, but not talked about too much, otherwise every Tom, Dick and Harry would be applying for it.  I don't know...I can only suspect. 

While talking about the trials and tribulations of finding daycare with my mother, she looked dumbfounded when I told her the quotes I had been receiving.  My mother told me she spent about $28.00 per week for babysitting for me and my brother.  How depressing!!  Just this past month I received a quote of $2800.00+/month for 2 infants and 1 pre-schooler in a local daycare.  Pardon? What???

I had my oldest son in daycare a couple of times a week up until recently.  I was paying $35.00 per day on a part time basis.  I had received another quote of $40.00 per day from another lady.  These quotes were from women running their own daycares out of their homes, basements or converted dining rooms.  Some women have their ECE background or teaching, while others are moms who just couldn't afford to send their 2 or more kids to full time daycare, while they went back to work after mat leave.

When my husband and I discussed having our "second" child and me returning to work after my year long mat leave, we agreed that it would be expensive and hard to deal with, but it was worth it in order for me to continue with my career and not to leave the workforce only to have to start again, keep up on my education and so on to remain competitive in 4 or 5 years down the road.  We were going to suck it up and I was going to pretty much work for "free" once the daycare provider was paid each month.  This is a very depressing thought.  Little did we know we were going to have 3 kids to put in daycare, let alone two babies at the same time.

If your child is in diapers, you pay more.  If your child isn't walking yet, you pay more.  If your pre-schooler isn't quite potty trained yet, you pay more.  On and on and on.

It seems odd to me, as well, that the daycare providers/babysitters are the ones calling all the shots.  Most, who are smart, do have a contract for potential parents to look over before deciding if this spot is right for them.  The thing that irks me is that because it is so hard to find daycare spots in cities and towns across Ontario the daycare providers have the power in their hands.  They tell you when they will take vacation.  They tell you this and that.  If you don't like it, move on because there are plenty of families who need daycare badly that will fill the spot.  Are we, the parents, not the ones who are their employers?  We pay them.  I have never been in the position to be able to tell any of my employers when I will take my vacation, when I will take a few days off here and there, make my own sick days policy and so on.  It seems bizarre.

Then I read a recent article in the Toronto Star on May 9, 2011.  It all became clear to me, why it is as it is.  In this article it states, "There are roughly 1.2 million children under 12 in Ontario with mothers in the workplace, according to the Ontario Coalition for Better Child Care.  There are 236,988 licensed child-care spaces in Ontario."  The article also discusses how it is often grandparents or family members volunteering to help provide daycare for kids while their mothers return to work.  I wish this was an option at this time, but it's not!

I've often heard of daycare co-ops, but have never seen a real, live one.  Where are these supposed co-ops?  My university has one, which is run by true ECEs, but also by the parents who may be on staff at the university or are students.  They take turns providing care in their off times or off work hours.  Costs can be much less to run a daycare in this manner. 

I've always said it would be awesome if the companies I've worked for would have such an opportunity for their employees.  I've worked for some very large, well-known companies, but in-house daycare was not an option.  This kind of setup would promote "being green," to employees and the community as you're not having to truck your children all over the city prior to even getting into work each morning, plus it would more than likely promote more productive and happy employees.

I think one of the first things on my agenda when I return to work is to address this with someone!  Even if I can just say it to get it off my chest, I would feel much better! :)