Help me...Help You!

I don't know why, but for a couple of weeks I have been walking around with this silly phrase popping into my mind, which is a line from an old movie, Jerry Maguire.   "Help me...help you!" Up until now, I have had no idea why it has been floating around in my mind...and now I do!

I'm just back from sitting in on an Expectant Parents of Multiples meeting.  The peer health workers that facilitated the meeting were discussing the many things to think about and plan for when expecting twins and how to handle things after they arrive.  They talked about things like labour and delivery, epidurals and c-sections, the possibility of a NICU stay and possible pre-term births.  We also got talking about what to expect after you arrive home with your bundles of joy.  Some of the ladies were expecting triplets! Yeehaw!! Even as a mother of multiples (twins) the prospect of triplets does bug my eyes out a bit, I have to admit! Especially if those parents already have one or more children.  You know what though?  Where there's a will, there's a way.  The importance of having a support network is huge when having multiples, in order to help you get through a challenging time like a NICU stay to bringing home babies and getting into a routine in your own home. 

The following is a list of things that made me smile, which you might not think about when expecting babies.  Friends, families and spouses might not even think of some of these small things, which can really put a smile on an exhausted mom's face.

• A hot cup of coffee or tea (decaf if mom's nursing) arriving without request just one random afternoon.
• A neighbour or husband clearing off your car after a snowfall (especially on mornings when there may be important appointments for the babies.)
• A mom or mother-in-law coming in and quietly caring for the babies and older siblings while mommy takes a quick nap or a shower.
• A friend preparing trays of lasagnas and other meals that can go into the freezer and wait to be eaten.
• A gift certificate for a housekeeping service to come and wash the floors and help sanitize the place, which mom feels she will never have time to get to.
• A friend or family member coming over to watch an older child while mom gets a chance to do some one-to-one or one-to-two bonding, which can be hard with an older child who deserves just as much attention.
• A friend or family member coming in and cleaning the piles and piles of baby bottles and other dishes.
• Letting mom get a sleep in morning, which is so rare!

The list could go on and will be different for many, but a lot of these examples I think are pretty universal.  All we have to do is ask.  Or when someone asks, what can I help you with or what do you need, don't be ashamed to ask, as most people are going to be more than willing to jump right in to help you with pretty much anything.

So, the point I am trying to make is, in order for anyone to be able to understand what you need and how to help you, you have to help them understand how to help you, simply by instructing or asking and letting go of some of the need to be Super Mommy and to do all!

May Mania

May is just about on its way out and I'm exhausted!  May is a month I had aimed to try to not have children.  Seriously.  With family birthdays in March, April, May + Mother's Day, June - an anniversary + Father's Day, I saw July as being the best spot to try to have children, plus my husband and I liked the idea of having fun summertime birthday parties, like the ones I grew up with.

Instead, we had three babies due in July, who chose to show up as a our Spring Chicks in May.  So we work with what we are given, right?  Three little boys' birthdays within 10 days of each other.  Talk about exhausting!  One happens to land the weekend of Mother's Day and a party is usually thrown that Saturday.  This year, thankfully, we went a little smaller scale for the twins' birthday.  We made up for it 10 days later with 16 kids ages four and under, running around a hot, stuffy room with paint brushes as weapons in their hands.  This year's theme was Super Heroes, which seemed fitting, considering we think we've got some pretty Super Preemies, who battled so many odds and have come out of it spectacularly well.  We had the kids in a Batman, Superman and tried a Spiderman shirt for the Big Brother, but he wasn't having it that day! Of course! The shirt was purchased specifically for this day and he pulls Big 4-Year Old Attitude! Wow!

This month we also helped with the Ronald McDonald House fundraising again and for fun, I threw in running a garage sale.  One thing I do continue to wonder is, where does all this STUFF come from?  I even ask for donations or to pull back from excess shopping for birthday parties, yet, we have all of this STUFF...

Thoughts of piles of junk throughout my house aside, we've had a wonderful month with lots of nature walks and hanging out in the amazing sunshine, which we miss so much here in Canada during the winter months.  We've been making up for lost time!  We were able to get out to a picnic for Canada's National Multiple Births Awareness Day this past Sunday for with our Chapter of the Parents of Multiple Births Association.

So between all of this and my trying to plan and master part of my new job description, which is involving planning and developing of online blog, website and other social media content, my brain has been in overdrive...hence the lack of blog posts this month. 

Just some of the STUFF occupying my home!
Does it ever end??

Now coming up for the month of June is Spina Bifida & Hydrocephalus Awareness Month, here in Ontario.  I will help raise awareness and will certainly have a post coming up on the topic.  Bring on June! I am ready!

Imagine...McHappy Day 2012

Imagine…expecting your first child to arrive in 9 weeks; the excitement and anticipation.  Imagine…unexpectedly and without warning, delivering your baby 9 weeks too soon; the fear and heartache.  Imagine…your first mother’s day, a child only seven minutes old, and fighting to survive.  A mother and father able to do nothing but hope, watch, and wait.

Imagine…less than two years later; expecting twins—anticipation high and the idea of premature delivery in the back of everyone’s minds. Imagine…the same thing unfolding, only 13 weeks too soon and with even more on the line: The health and well-being of not one, but two small babies.  Another mother’s day comes and goes and you still have yet to hold either child—too unwell and fragile to be out of their isolettes.

Now imagine having to watch your babies being transported by ambulance to a Level III NICU, outside your hometown and away from all that you know, including your family.  Your new home is a NICU.  Suddenly you are surrounded by the uncomfortable sounds of quiet, repetitive beeps of machines, the slow and then the fast paced alarms of dozens of premature babies in their isolettes.  It is a whole new world you must quickly adapt to and try to get used to.  Even if you’ve already been through the experience once, it’s never an experience you will be one hundred percent used to.  You now must rely on the knowledge and expertise of medical professionals, putting much of the care of your babies in their hands in the very early days.

Imagine the isolation a mother and father can face in this situation.  Feeling “alone” in place filled with people.  Lacking their own support network and feeling no one can really understand if they haven’t experienced this situation.  Now imagine having the option to have a place to go to and call your “home away from home,” whether for a short period of time or for several months. A home built to suit the needs of many families and differing dynamics.  A home that is comfortable, inviting and clean.  The kind of home in which one can go back to for a fresh cooked dinner, without the worry of dealing with cooking it and occupying important time that would be better spent in the NICU.  A home in which other people are going through similar experiences and are able to build a connection with others for moral support.  There is a place like this.  It is called Ronald McDonald House.  The Ronald McDonald House strives to provide a positive and comfortable place for families with un-well children living in a hospital.  Thankfully, our area is fortunate to have access to a House in Hamilton, London (SWO) and Toronto—three of the common sites for the children of our region to receive lifesaving, acute and long-term healthcare.

These Houses would not be able to run without donor support.  For $25.00 a family can eat breakfast before starting their day at the hospital.  It takes $100.00 to keep a bathroom stocked for one month.  A little bit can go a long way in a house that is always up and running 24 hours a day for families in need.  It takes over 1000 volunteers across Canada to help keep the homes in tip top shape and to carry out various daily activities and special events.  A lot of effort is put into having a “home away from home” for families in need.

As my family marks the second and fourth birthdays of our premature children, we also mark McHappy Day, along with another Mother’s Day quickly approaching.  This coming Wednesday, May 2, is McHappy Day at all McDonald’s Restaurants.  My family will be assisting with raising funds for this wonderful cause.  Funds raised in our region will be going to the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton and KidsAbility.  Shortly after this event, Ronald McDonald House Hamilton will also be hosting the 3^rd annual Footsteps for Families walk-a-thon to assist with raising funds for their newly renovated House.  After a major renovation the home will be increased from 15 to 40 rooms for families to stay.

We have much to be grateful for and a lot of that is thanks to the wonderful people at the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton and the KidsAbility staff, whom we’ve come to know well.

Please “help our home grow” in Hamilton by visiting your local McDonald’s Restaurant or visiting my family’s Footsteps for Families fundraising page at http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=3291302&langPref=en-CA or visit http://footstepsforfamilies.com  or http://helpourhomegrow.ca/ for more information.

This story also ran in the Cambridge Times newspaper on Tuesday, May 1, 2012, ironically the twins 2nd Birthday.  http://www.cambridgetimes.ca/community/article/1345572--a-home-away-from-home

Somewhere, some way...

  


Somewhere, some way, there will always be one of these beds waiting for a baby born too soon.

Let's help Ronald McDonald House Charities ensure there is a bed waiting in a nearby 
Home Away from Home for Mom & Dad too!

 

Ronald McDonald House Hamilton

Ronald McDonald House Charities Canada
Ronald McDonald House Charities Global

Plan A...No, Plan B...Maybe Plan C?

Recently I was chatting to a couple of co-workers about the challenge some people face with letting go of their "ideals," when something in their life is really telling them, "it's just not going to happen."  Kind of like chasing that dreamboat guy, who is just "not that into you."  It is hard to let a dream die and move on. 

It could be a long held belief or ideal that you will step-by-step become a lawyer or a doctor.  Or you will get married on a beautiful, sunny day.  Instead, you find you cannot afford the schooling it takes to become a lawyer or you don't have the stamina to work 24 hour long shifts in a hospital setting, yet you still hold onto the dream--even if you stop pursuing it for a while, figuring you'll get back to it some day.  Or you wake up on the day of your wedding day, to dark skies and storm clouds moving in fast.  You can either cry about it, or suck it up and listen to those that tell you the myth that rain on a wedding day is good luck.  You can let go of the dream and focus on new options or you can get stuck in a rut and depression, wishing for something that cannot be and in turn losing focus of the most important thing...yourself.

As I was pinning along one evening this week, I came across a quotation, as though someone knew what I had just talked about with my friends.  The quote, "We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, so as to live the life that is waiting for us."  This is what brought on my post tonight.  I love this quote.  I can relate to it in many ways.

The main way this quote really hits home, is when I think about my sadness at the loss of some of my dreams and expectations when my babies, the twins in particular, were born so prematurely.  It seems silly to me now, but at that time because my head was reeling with so many what ifs and fears, I was somewhat upset that my twin boys may never get to play baseball together.  I had always envisioned them running the bases together on a nice sunny day!  When the twins were born, I was suddenly faced with the thought that they may not ever walk...maybe not even live.  At that time I made the quick decision to stop focusing on the coulda beens and focus on them right then and there at that moment and figure out how to help them get through this unexpected--never dreamed of--situation.  If I had not been able to make this decision, I could have fallen into a deep depression, which wouldn't have been good for anyone involved at that very difficult time.  At that time of our lives, my husband and I had made the decision to try to focus on the positives, think positive and the promise of the future.

The life of the NICU is all about one step forward and two steps back and going with the flow.  Make Plan A, Plan B and probably even a Plan C to be prepared.  The thing with this is, there will never be a perfect plan.  I personally believe the best way to get through the NICU is to keep maintaining an open mind, communicate with the specialists working with your babies, let your needs and hopes be known, but at the same time continue to be flexible, as not everything will go "according to plan..."

Twins + A Shopoholic = Scary

Rows and Rows of Clothing!

 

Tomorrow I will be attending my third POMBA (Parents of Multiple Births Association) seasonal sale.  This sale is ginormous! It's the sale of sales.  In this sale, those selling, will be selling single strollers, twins strollers, triplets strollers, gently used clothing, toys and all kinds of baby gear--high chairs in multiples, bikes, trikes, Exersaucers, Bumbos, you name it...we've got it!

When I first arrived on the scene of POMBA, I was about 6 months pregnant (and what I didn't know then, only about three weeks from my sudden delivery date.)  When I arrived at this sale, I immediately knew, this is where I "belong."  There were rows and rows of tiny baby clothing up to about age 12 or so.  There were baby toys, equipment, nursing pillows stacked high, and anything else "baby" that one can think of.  It was like a kid's first visit to Toys R Us! Where to focus?  What to walk to first, at a very fast pace, without looking like a crazy person?

When many first find out they are having twins, they think, Oh my Looorrd...how are we going to afford this?? Seriously??  You might start thinking of an upgrade from a car to a crossover...or in my case the horrid mommy vehicle of all mommy vehicles...the mini-van!  The father in the scenario might have gone into panic attacks over money issues as soon as he heard the ultrasound technologist say, "It's twins."  Or maybe he thought that after you pulled him up off the exam room's floor.  Either way, having children, let alone twins is not cheap. 

Once I came upon this POMBA sale I realized how great this opportunity would be to make money back off the items I sell and then be able to put that "newly found" money into the next major items we would need.  It's an awesome and perfect cycle.  Out with the old, in with the new.  If this sale didn't exist in my life, I would not have such an understanding hubby, who likes money...in his bank account...not invested in all kinds of kids gizmos and gadgets.  The fact of the matter is that many of the big ticket items for babies and children never actually seem to depreciate in value much.  This is another big perk of this kind of sale.  Sometimes you can buy an item, use it for a short period of time and then potentially turn around and sell it for the exact same price you or very close to the price you bought it for.  Not that I am saying you can buy your kid a soccer ball, kick it around all summer long and then expect it sell it for the same $8.99 you bought it for at Walmart.  It is the big ticket items, like a stroller or a highchair, which you take good care of and use it as any normal parent would, then turn around and sell it when the kid(s) grow out of it.  These are items that I have yet to really suffer any major loss over cost.   

Tomorrow I will be shopping with my lists of needs and wants to prepare for the upcoming Summer months.  A few clothing items, possibly some decent backyard toys, a bike and whatever else pops out.  If you're not afraid of consignment shops or gently used kids clothes and toys stores, then this kind of sale is also for you!

If you follow this link you can find Canadian POMBA (Multiple Births Canada) Chapters and their "clothing sales."  http://www.multiplebirthscanada.org/english/index.php

If you follow this link you will be connected to the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs in the United States, where you can find sale information on clothing sales under, "Member Club Links." http://www.nomotc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=51&Itemid=49

These sales are well worth the time and effort to store your items and then sell them each season or each time your Club has a sale. 

One Year Anniversary

I've been blogging for one year now. It has been a great experience and has connected me to people from all over the world...which I do think is much thanks to Twitter and my grasping the concept of hashtags.  This year I've been able to master blogging (well I guess this will always be a learning experience and work in progress,) the Twitterverse...the lovely Pinterest...and now, as of recent, I've managed to parlay these experiences into my actual every day, paid job! Life could not be better!  Well, yes it can...my babies are going to be turning 2 in less than one month!  Yes, I still call them my babies!  They are teeny men, more like the size of 12 month olds, and they will always be my babies at heart.

Some really amazing experiences have come out of my blogging and Tweeting. I was able to meet one very awesome NICU nurse from the States with a Canadian connection, while she was in the area on holidays with her family.  She has an amazing website for NICU families.  I've spoken to people from all around the world through my blog, which led me to Twitter, which led me to more people.  I have had people reading from the Netherlands, Germany, Spain, UK, Phillipines, Australia, you name it.  It's amazing!  It seems the biggest number of followers are from the United States! So thank you to them and of course everyone else that stops by.  I've really enjoyed some of the comments that people take the time to make and it can really make a preemie mom feel like she's not alone. 

I know I ruffled some feathers and got many in the neonatal profession chatting with a few postings; particularly my "Lockdown" blog. Twitter lit up quite a bit following that posting and the month I posted it was the month my readership really skyrocketed.  Now to come up with some more seriously thought provoking blogs...

I am grateful for the fun and creativity my blog has to offer me, as well as for all of the awesome men and women I've met along the way.  It is a good feeling to know my information on our particular NICU experiences just might help families in similar situations or maybe even help others not having gone through it to understand the feelings and experiences a bit more.

At this point in time, we are closing in on Birthday # 2 for the twins and Birthday #4 for preemie #1.  The twins now really know how to express their own personalities, one is walking and the other is sick of watching his "older brother" walk, so he's now really thinking about walking.  Their language development is suddenly taking off, and although they are behind in this area for sure, we know that they are understanding and now making every attempt to say a word when asked.  Preemie # 1 would like a Hot Wheels birthday cake AND a Spiderman cake, so we'll just have to see what we can do!  After all these boys have been through, I'll let them have their cake and eat it too!