We give thanks

This weekend is Thanksgiving and I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with my family and some great friends to give thanks.

We have had so much to be thankful for over the past several years--family, friends--strangers.  Some of the greatest and life altering friendships came to us through new relationships formed with complete strangers.  We are so thankful for the NICU staff of 3 different hospitals, the specialists we see throughout the month and new friends found through a common bond. 

We will also be forever thankful to Ronald McDonald House Hamilton and all the support they provided our family. If you wonder if I will ever stop blogging on the topic of the Ronald McDonald House--that's highly unlikely!  At this moment in time, the best way I know to show my thanks to them is to vote on a daily basis to help them receive an awesome award, giving them the opportunity to put another addition onto their new building--a smaller scale addition, but an "addition" nonetheless. 

  

  

Right now our old "home away from home" is

striving for a win in the AVIVA Community Fund competition and their Idea is to build a beautiful new garden for the future families of the House.  Their Idea is specifically called "The Serenity Garden Project: Ronald McDonald House Hamilton." So this week I have been voting my little "Vote Now" button off. 

This is a quick and to the point blog post today.  One more thing I'd be very thankful for is any votes, you, my readers are able to send their way!  You can find their Idea page right here: The Serenity Garden Project

  

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."

The Emperor (Mulan movie)

Thank You!

Preemie # 1 Goes to Kindergarten!

The time has come for our oldest preemie to start school.  A usual milestone for many, but not always an "easy" one for children who were born premature.  Thankfully, we have watched our firstborn preemie achieve and master each milestone right on time and sometimes ahead of the game.  It is a relief to feel that all things are "okay." 

There will be things to watch out for and pay attention to as he starts formal schooling and hopefully all will go well.  One of the many, many standard questions asked in the paperwork we had to fill in for our son's school was in the health section..."Birth complications?"  Why, yes. Yes, there were.  "Birth complications" lands on the #1 slot in the long "yes or no" list. And there is a reason...

I don't plan to dwell on the "what if's," but I do plan on being well-informed and helping others keep informed.  Children who are born premature often go through traumatic experiences right out the gate.  Their brains are still forming when they arrive early, which leaves the baby without defence mechanisms or an understanding of what they are experiencing and feeling.  Many premature babies can go through 60 procedures or more in the very early days following their arrival.  That is a lot for an adult to take, let alone an undeveloped little baby.  The following excerpt from an article entitled, Recognizing the Potential Effect of Stress and Trauma on Premature Infants in the NICU: How Outcomes are Affected?, discusses the potential long term impact on premature infants. This article was published in the Journal of Perinatology, Dec, 2003, 23:679-683. (The full article can be found here.)
            "When discussing an infant’s or child’s response to trauma, Perry et al(10) explains, “in the developing brain, these states [temporary responses] organize neural systems, resulting in traits.  Because the brain changes in a use-dependent fashion and organized during development in response to experience, the specific pattern of neuronal activation associated with the acute responses to trauma are those which are likely to be internalized.  The human brain exists in its mature form only as a byproduct of genetic potential and environmental history”.  Streech-Fischer and van der Kolk(13) believe that “chronic childhood trauma interferes with the capacity to integrate sensory, emotional and cognitive information into a cohesive whole and sets the stage for unfocused and irrelevant responses to subsequent stress.”
            Theoretically, as a premature infant grows, he/she may not be able to distinguish, on a subconscious or conscious level, between the here and now of a stressful event and the past events of the NICU due to the atypical development of his/her brain.  In addition, if a premature infant’s brain is programmed to respond to constant stress, subsequently as he grows older, he may have a difficult time sorting out how to respond normally to everyday circumstances.  It is important for us to abandon the myth that infants and children can “get over it because they didn’t even know what was happening.”  Dr. Perry, et al (10) believes that “children are not resilient, children are malleable.”  We must recognize the potential effect from the difficult events in the lives of premature infants and children."

This information may be a lot to absorb, especially when we constantly hear "kids are resilient."  Sure, they can be, but we have to let them be real too.  Just because we want them to be resilient, doesn't mean they can or should be.  They don't even know the meaning of the word!

I think the bottom line is for teachers, parents, family and friends to be aware of some of the potential realities premature children may face, not to immediately label kids and to seek proper support and guidance from infant and child developmental programs and specialists if and when needed.  Thankfully we live in a country with these options and supports in place. I am always grateful for this!

To our amazing little future graduate of the Class of 2027, we're ready to help you and watch you learn and grow during this great adventure!

Mommy Brain Moments

As moms, I think we all suffer from "mommy brain" every now and then or maybe you call it "momnesia."  The moments where we're doing something and in the midst of whatever it is, we forget what we were trying to do.  Why is this jar of baby food in my hand again??  The moments where we walk the house looking in every nook and cranny and couch crevice, just trying to find the elusive TV remote control...only to find it a few hours later in the fridge with the baby bottles.  Sometimes we lack the ability to multi-task because we're feeling exhausted and put things in the most random and ridiculous places.  Sometimes we re-wash our hair because we can't remember if we just did a second ago!  Little silly things.  It's a lot of work looking after two babies at one time...nursing them, feeding them, making sure they don't fall off couches or change tables and so on!  It's a lot to pay attention to and keep focused on, especially when you're awake every two hours during the nights.

You begin to dream of changing diapers, feeding babies and washing bottles...because that is the daily routine. Over and over and over again!  You begin to dream of sleep in your sleep.

You do other silly, random...shh don't tell anyone I did that...things...such aaaaas...

You get the motivation to go out to the lovely outdoor market without another adult for backup support.  The market will be packed, yet you have high hopes your gigantic double stroller will either easily clear a path or people will be helpful and hold the doors or not swarm in droves around your stroller to get by you quickly.  You'll hope you'll be able to manoeuvre your double stroller into the family washroom space, without the door knob getting stuck on your clothing or diaper bag as you rifle inward.  Squeek, Squish, Squuuueeeeze in! Or not...After realising the market idea was a major task to take on, you begin moving quickly to pick up a few things to make it worth while and walk back to the van...all you want to do is get everyone packed back in the van and jet out of there...FAST!  Mama needs a coffee!  By now, you are probably pretty tired.  Parked on the side of the road, you just want to get the kids in the car safely and move on and get home soon.  As you pull away, drive down the street and come to the stop sign, do a right and begin driving away...you have a sinking feeling you've forgotten something. But what could it be?? Sinking feeling...Look in rearview...Make sure nothing has come flying off the roof of the van and landed on the road behind us.  Nothing.  Sinking feeling.  Pull over and slam the van in park...Really bad sinking feeling. Jump out of the van and run to the back and yank open the gate.  No double stroller!!?? Oh. My. Gawd! Where was I parked, which little side road?? I can't remember! The fact you are seriously lacking sleep leaves you feeling completely unsure of your answer and you jump back in the van and drive quickly back toward where you think you were parked...yet you're really not sure...so you begin slowly creeping along streets, peering down each upcoming intersection...There it is! The stroller, standing all alone, right where you left it on the side of the road!  You "discreetly" pull up, keep your head down and jump out of the van and hope no nosey neighbours are watching from their windows laughing their heads off at your dumb momnesia moment and get that big honking stroller in the back as fast as possible...which really will never be a fast task.

You sheepishly drive away, laughing at how dumb a move that was!

Another good stroller episode I had was, yet again because I had just experienced a long day, this time at the hospital.  Rounds of appointments, lots of waiting and lots of conversation, Q&A's and so forth.  Finally time to roll out, take the elevator down, answer lots of peoples' questions about twins along the way.  Get the kids packed in, get in the driver's seat.  Have to back up this time because of the spot we're parked in.  What's that mild crunching noise I hear??  Oooooh yeah! Forgot the stroller again and this time I just thought I should attempt to do some Side Impact Testing on it by backing up.  Eeesh!  Now I'm probably laughing an insane cackle as I put the stroller away and again hope no one is laughing their heads off at me.

You go through the drive thru one morning to get the "usual" coffee and bagel.  Chattering away to the babies and looking in the rearview mirror at them as you wait your turn to order.  Keep chattering away, pull up to the window and you find the customer service rep staring at you blankly.  You blankly stare back.  Then it suddenly dawns on you that you completely drove by the order speaker and pulled up to the window without actually placing an order. Duh.  Mommy Brain. 

When your husband comes home and asks how your day was, you respond, "Absolutely fantabulous, of course!"

I have many of these silly moments.  And if you're a mom, I'm sure you do too!  I've got more and I'll share them another time, but not this time because I'm tired.

Two Years

Two years ago at this time (9:45 PM) my family and I were packing it in early, heading up to our room at the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton for the night.  This time it wasn't just my husband, young son and I going up to our room.  This time it was my mother, mother-in-law and father-in-law, all packing ourselves into our room with cots and a pull out couch to accomodate all of us.  Thankfully, the House really was able to accomodate this stretch on the usual number of occupants of our room.  The House had cots, pillows and blankets stored for times like these.  We were preparing to meet Twin B at 7:00 AM on June 25, just before they wheeled him into surgery to have a ventricular reservoir inserted to help relieve the pressure of fluid on the brain due to Hydrocephalus.  By this time the baby had grown enough and was stable enough to help relieve the pressure by this surgical procedure.  To say we were "scared" does not describe it well enough, yet I can't actually put the feelings into words.  They were feelings and they were strong!

The next morning my brother and father met up with us as we headed into the hospital as a strong family, going in to be strong for our little Twin B.  It was a bright, sunny and warm day.  So much to be positive about--instilling confidence in me that this day would turn out well. 

After only a couple of hours the reservoir had been inserted and the baby came out of surgery awake and alert, which the doctor advised prior to going in would not be the case.  This was another positive for the day, making me feel our baby would be okay.

There was our little man up in the NICU, back in an isolette to avoid infection, and to recuperate and grow strong again.  By this time, Twin B, was perhaps 4 pounds, give or take.  So small to be going through so much!

This surgery was the first of two to deal with his Hydrocephalus.  Ironically, the month of June is Hydrocephalus Awareness Month in my province of Ontario.  This is yet another sign to me, that this baby was put on this Earth to help us raise awareness for various causes and conditions, which children and adults face each day.  Hydrocephalus is generally a lifelong condition, which requires regular monitoring and awareness individuals with this condition.  Here is a great explanation of Hydrocephalus, which is outlined on the Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus Association of Ontario website.  There are more people walking around with this condition than you may be aware of, so it's something to consider and understand if you can. 

Additionally, today marks another milestone.  After about 18 months the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton, where we stayed for over 3 months, had their Grand Opening following a very large addition to the existing House.  Today we got to visit the House and take a walk down memory lane and see all the amazing changes they made.  I was inspiring to see how so many people could come together, create a new design, blend the old with the new and be so creative while doing it!  They talked to parents of families from the past, talked to experts and those that could give some insight on what things would make the house operate most efficiently for all types of needs.

Some of the great new ideas they implemented include:

• A room for new mothers to pump or have some time to themselves.
• A fridge in each room (previously there were communal fridges on each floor, which wasn't always ideal for mothers.)
• Various quiet nooks or niches throughout the building, for family quiet time and spaces to gather away from open areas for some privacy.
• A library-reading room, which was gorgeous! Our oldest son didn't want to leave the room today.
• A playroom right off the eat in kitchen area, closed in by windows and visible from the kitchen area, so kids can play while family eats.
• Hotelling rooms--Similar to Care-By-Parent rooms you might find in a NICU area or other parts of the hospital wards, but larger, more welcoming and spacious.  Families staying at the hospital can potentially be referred over to use the room for a night or two.  This would definitely be great for tired parents, who want to be close to their child and just need a quick refresher and a night away from the hospital room recliner.
• A large culinary kitchen.
• Last, but definitely not least, an amazing secret room for children to visit.

I could go on and on, but I won't.  It is safe to say the families that must visit the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton will feel very much welcomed and as though their specific family dynamic and needs were well-planned for...because they were.  I get the feeling the staff of the House left no stone unturned when it came to planning and researching the needs of families and understanding each family is different in order to ensure they can accomodate pretty much anyone that walks through their new front door.

So, congrats to Ronald McDonald House Hamilton for such an amazing and inspiring job you did on this new "home away from home."  We loved it and the families of the future will too!

Thank you to those that helped support my family while fundraising for this amazing cause over the past two years!

Help me...Help You!

I don't know why, but for a couple of weeks I have been walking around with this silly phrase popping into my mind, which is a line from an old movie, Jerry Maguire.   "Help me...help you!" Up until now, I have had no idea why it has been floating around in my mind...and now I do!

I'm just back from sitting in on an Expectant Parents of Multiples meeting.  The peer health workers that facilitated the meeting were discussing the many things to think about and plan for when expecting twins and how to handle things after they arrive.  They talked about things like labour and delivery, epidurals and c-sections, the possibility of a NICU stay and possible pre-term births.  We also got talking about what to expect after you arrive home with your bundles of joy.  Some of the ladies were expecting triplets! Yeehaw!! Even as a mother of multiples (twins) the prospect of triplets does bug my eyes out a bit, I have to admit! Especially if those parents already have one or more children.  You know what though?  Where there's a will, there's a way.  The importance of having a support network is huge when having multiples, in order to help you get through a challenging time like a NICU stay to bringing home babies and getting into a routine in your own home. 

The following is a list of things that made me smile, which you might not think about when expecting babies.  Friends, families and spouses might not even think of some of these small things, which can really put a smile on an exhausted mom's face.

• A hot cup of coffee or tea (decaf if mom's nursing) arriving without request just one random afternoon.
• A neighbour or husband clearing off your car after a snowfall (especially on mornings when there may be important appointments for the babies.)
• A mom or mother-in-law coming in and quietly caring for the babies and older siblings while mommy takes a quick nap or a shower.
• A friend preparing trays of lasagnas and other meals that can go into the freezer and wait to be eaten.
• A gift certificate for a housekeeping service to come and wash the floors and help sanitize the place, which mom feels she will never have time to get to.
• A friend or family member coming over to watch an older child while mom gets a chance to do some one-to-one or one-to-two bonding, which can be hard with an older child who deserves just as much attention.
• A friend or family member coming in and cleaning the piles and piles of baby bottles and other dishes.
• Letting mom get a sleep in morning, which is so rare!

The list could go on and will be different for many, but a lot of these examples I think are pretty universal.  All we have to do is ask.  Or when someone asks, what can I help you with or what do you need, don't be ashamed to ask, as most people are going to be more than willing to jump right in to help you with pretty much anything.

So, the point I am trying to make is, in order for anyone to be able to understand what you need and how to help you, you have to help them understand how to help you, simply by instructing or asking and letting go of some of the need to be Super Mommy and to do all!

May Mania

May is just about on its way out and I'm exhausted!  May is a month I had aimed to try to not have children.  Seriously.  With family birthdays in March, April, May + Mother's Day, June - an anniversary + Father's Day, I saw July as being the best spot to try to have children, plus my husband and I liked the idea of having fun summertime birthday parties, like the ones I grew up with.

Instead, we had three babies due in July, who chose to show up as a our Spring Chicks in May.  So we work with what we are given, right?  Three little boys' birthdays within 10 days of each other.  Talk about exhausting!  One happens to land the weekend of Mother's Day and a party is usually thrown that Saturday.  This year, thankfully, we went a little smaller scale for the twins' birthday.  We made up for it 10 days later with 16 kids ages four and under, running around a hot, stuffy room with paint brushes as weapons in their hands.  This year's theme was Super Heroes, which seemed fitting, considering we think we've got some pretty Super Preemies, who battled so many odds and have come out of it spectacularly well.  We had the kids in a Batman, Superman and tried a Spiderman shirt for the Big Brother, but he wasn't having it that day! Of course! The shirt was purchased specifically for this day and he pulls Big 4-Year Old Attitude! Wow!

This month we also helped with the Ronald McDonald House fundraising again and for fun, I threw in running a garage sale.  One thing I do continue to wonder is, where does all this STUFF come from?  I even ask for donations or to pull back from excess shopping for birthday parties, yet, we have all of this STUFF...

Thoughts of piles of junk throughout my house aside, we've had a wonderful month with lots of nature walks and hanging out in the amazing sunshine, which we miss so much here in Canada during the winter months.  We've been making up for lost time!  We were able to get out to a picnic for Canada's National Multiple Births Awareness Day this past Sunday for with our Chapter of the Parents of Multiple Births Association.

So between all of this and my trying to plan and master part of my new job description, which is involving planning and developing of online blog, website and other social media content, my brain has been in overdrive...hence the lack of blog posts this month. 

Just some of the STUFF occupying my home!
Does it ever end??

Now coming up for the month of June is Spina Bifida & Hydrocephalus Awareness Month, here in Ontario.  I will help raise awareness and will certainly have a post coming up on the topic.  Bring on June! I am ready!

Imagine...McHappy Day 2012

Imagine…expecting your first child to arrive in 9 weeks; the excitement and anticipation.  Imagine…unexpectedly and without warning, delivering your baby 9 weeks too soon; the fear and heartache.  Imagine…your first mother’s day, a child only seven minutes old, and fighting to survive.  A mother and father able to do nothing but hope, watch, and wait.

Imagine…less than two years later; expecting twins—anticipation high and the idea of premature delivery in the back of everyone’s minds. Imagine…the same thing unfolding, only 13 weeks too soon and with even more on the line: The health and well-being of not one, but two small babies.  Another mother’s day comes and goes and you still have yet to hold either child—too unwell and fragile to be out of their isolettes.

Now imagine having to watch your babies being transported by ambulance to a Level III NICU, outside your hometown and away from all that you know, including your family.  Your new home is a NICU.  Suddenly you are surrounded by the uncomfortable sounds of quiet, repetitive beeps of machines, the slow and then the fast paced alarms of dozens of premature babies in their isolettes.  It is a whole new world you must quickly adapt to and try to get used to.  Even if you’ve already been through the experience once, it’s never an experience you will be one hundred percent used to.  You now must rely on the knowledge and expertise of medical professionals, putting much of the care of your babies in their hands in the very early days.

Imagine the isolation a mother and father can face in this situation.  Feeling “alone” in place filled with people.  Lacking their own support network and feeling no one can really understand if they haven’t experienced this situation.  Now imagine having the option to have a place to go to and call your “home away from home,” whether for a short period of time or for several months. A home built to suit the needs of many families and differing dynamics.  A home that is comfortable, inviting and clean.  The kind of home in which one can go back to for a fresh cooked dinner, without the worry of dealing with cooking it and occupying important time that would be better spent in the NICU.  A home in which other people are going through similar experiences and are able to build a connection with others for moral support.  There is a place like this.  It is called Ronald McDonald House.  The Ronald McDonald House strives to provide a positive and comfortable place for families with un-well children living in a hospital.  Thankfully, our area is fortunate to have access to a House in Hamilton, London (SWO) and Toronto—three of the common sites for the children of our region to receive lifesaving, acute and long-term healthcare.

These Houses would not be able to run without donor support.  For $25.00 a family can eat breakfast before starting their day at the hospital.  It takes $100.00 to keep a bathroom stocked for one month.  A little bit can go a long way in a house that is always up and running 24 hours a day for families in need.  It takes over 1000 volunteers across Canada to help keep the homes in tip top shape and to carry out various daily activities and special events.  A lot of effort is put into having a “home away from home” for families in need.

As my family marks the second and fourth birthdays of our premature children, we also mark McHappy Day, along with another Mother’s Day quickly approaching.  This coming Wednesday, May 2, is McHappy Day at all McDonald’s Restaurants.  My family will be assisting with raising funds for this wonderful cause.  Funds raised in our region will be going to the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton and KidsAbility.  Shortly after this event, Ronald McDonald House Hamilton will also be hosting the 3^rd annual Footsteps for Families walk-a-thon to assist with raising funds for their newly renovated House.  After a major renovation the home will be increased from 15 to 40 rooms for families to stay.

We have much to be grateful for and a lot of that is thanks to the wonderful people at the Ronald McDonald House Hamilton and the KidsAbility staff, whom we’ve come to know well.

Please “help our home grow” in Hamilton by visiting your local McDonald’s Restaurant or visiting my family’s Footsteps for Families fundraising page at http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=3291302&langPref=en-CA or visit http://footstepsforfamilies.com  or http://helpourhomegrow.ca/ for more information.

This story also ran in the Cambridge Times newspaper on Tuesday, May 1, 2012, ironically the twins 2nd Birthday.  http://www.cambridgetimes.ca/community/article/1345572--a-home-away-from-home